Fall. Not my season.

I start to withdraw. I hurt. I cry.

Ran into a friend a couple years ago at the beginning of spring and noted on how tan she was already. “oh, I have been tanning.” Knowing she is a super healthy health nut kinda kindred spirit, I said, “oh?” “Seasonal depression hit me really hard this year,” she replied. “Well, you look great!” said I.

What was ‘Seasonal Depression’ I thought…

Mayo Clinic Definition –

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons — SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you’re like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.

I mentioned what I had found later that day to my Husband and that I thought I might have it. His reply was somewhere along the lines, “yeap. Makes sense.”

ugh.

I get mean. I get overwhelmed easy.

I hate being cold.

I feel like I stop fully living during the fall and winter.

It doesn’t help that my mom passed away almost three years ago in the fall.

I know there is a partial chemical imbalance. I know I need more vitamin D than most. I also know there is a spiritual side to this all. The devil knows I am effected by the cold and takes that and makes me a mean person. A sad person.

This year it feels like it came in early. I have fought to enjoyed the warm weather all the way to Oct. I fake it till I make it….. But it’s the 1st and it is suddenly colder. ugh. I fight it.  I do. I look at the green colored leaves instead of the changing ones. Thought beautiful, not my cup of tea.

This year I am dealing with new stresses. Teaching my kids. They are feeling the effects. I need days of recess with them instead of 15 min. I am trying to finish a building, a camper, do paperwork for a company ( hello- business paperwork is so stressful in itself!). I felt like I have been a crappy friend. And a crappy older sister to every single one of my siblings.

I need the south. I need warmth. At least to try it. To see if it helps.

The company we contract for has us in Nebraska next two weeks. That is not Florida like we were told would be this last two weeks +

But then would that we just a change of scenery? Would this seasonal crap still be dragging me down?

I need prayer. I need hugs. I am sorry for being this way right now.

Spring will come. I will be overjoyed. I always am. I just need to find a way to make my body believe that fall can be just as happy as spring.